Building a new dream
by El loopy
Summary: She did what she told him she would. She built him a new dream. A series of oneshots with a plot. Eventual Jenny x Julian.
1. Chapter 1

Building a new dream

Chapter 1

It was a strange way to spend your time – building a dream. Every night she shut her eyes and conjured up the images, visiting each scene, tweaking here and there, before settling to craft the next item.

Everything in her reality was so much _more_ after the Games. More sensual. More immediate. She would watch a sunset and pick out every colour so she could recreate it later. She would smell the sharp tang of the ocean, feel the crunch of salt on her teeth from the air and hot sand sliding over her feet till it turned cool.

There was definitely going to be an ocean in this dream, and a sunset.

Every lovely moment she experienced in its fullness and stored. She didn't tell anyone. They wouldn't understand. She had thought that Tom had once. He had seemed to…but life has a way of fading the bad. They had changed, they had grown, but that didn't stop just because they had left the shadows behind. They had their whole lives to keep living and changing. The Games had merely pushed them down a particular path. Tom Locke didn't like talking about it; of being reminded of the fear. _'Can't you just forget it Jenny.'_

She breathed deeply and felt the rush of sweetness in the air. She'd put that in the dream too.

No. She couldn't just forget. They didn't understand, didn't _feel_ things like she did. She raised a hand to her lips. They hadn't kissed him. She was sure that was the difference. So she didn't tell them what she was doing. She wondered if Dee knew sometimes – the way she looked at her – but she said nothing.

Jenny took a step back and surveyed her dream. Not bad. She tilted her head with a frown. She wasn't happy yet though. Would she ever be happy? She had promised him light and no shadows. She wanted it to be perfect. He deserved it.

She imagined him stood there; looking, experiencing. He was so much better at this than her.

"Am I ever going to have this ready for you?" she whispered as she remembered a new flower she had seen that day and added it to the gardens. "How do I even bring you here when it is done?"

There was a shimmer in the fabric of the dream.

" _You just have to think about me."_

Water over rock. Ebony and velvet.

' _It's too soon. I'm not ready.'_ Despite the thought, she found she had shut her eyes and a smile had slipped onto her face. She didn't want to turn around just yet, she wanted to just absorb the moment a fraction longer.

"You called me here Jenny. Aren't you going to say hello?"

Slowly she turned, eyes still shut, a weight of responsibility lifting off her and a whisper of relief in her chest, like a muscle relaxing that she hadn't known was tense.

Her eyes flashed open.

"Hello Julian."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"Can't you just forget it Jenny!"

They argued now. That was new, post-Game. She had been surprised the first time, but realised later that she shouldn't have been. They hadn't argued before because she had always given Tom Locke exactly what he wanted. Her Tommy…

After the Game they were different. It was true that Tom appreciated her more, loved her more, but then reality would take over. He still had his own opinions, the difference was that she would challenge them now. No, she didn't want to wear her hair like that. Yes, she did intend on wearing _that_ top. No, she was not going to go to the same college…

"No, Tom, I can't," she replied firmly. "I can't just forget about what happened. It changed me, changed all of us…"

"So, that means we can't go to the same college now?"

Not really…but actually …

"Your college doesn't do the course I want." It was a statement of fact. He stared at her and she saw the flash of the thought in his eyes; _'Why can't you just do a different one?'_ , but he didn't dare say it. Not anymore. "Besides, it might be good for us," she murmured. He jerked back like she'd slapped him.

"Are you breaking up with me?" His voice cracked, eyes emptied.

Her own widened in horror. "Oh, no Tommy, no." She approached him and wrapped her arms around him. "That wasn't what I meant." How could she possibly explain what she meant? That she had changed her mind about Jenny-and-Tom-the-single-unit? That she liked the idea of being known as herself, having her own friends? That being apart from him in the Game had shown her how wonderful it was to be together again? They would all hurt him, except the last but he really didn't want to talk about the Game. "We won't be able to always be together in the future," she said finally. "It will be good practice."

He held her tighter.

"I like the sound of 'future'."

She smiled against his chest and then they were kissing. Argument over…round one anyway.

* * *

"How did he take it?"

Jenny knew he'd ask. She sighed as she sat down on the sand next to him. The sun was that wonderful not-too-hot and the wind blew her hair back, caressing her skin. She dug her fingers under the sand and had to remind herself it was a dream.

"I told you I didn't want to talk about Tom here." She shot the Shadow Prince a glance but he had his eyes shut, face tilted to the sun. The snow white of his hair was dazzling.

"Not well then." She heard the smugness in the statement, lips twisting in satisfaction. Suddenly his eyes flashed open and there was that colour, stealing her breath, but more than that was the light behind them that she'd never seen before in the Games. Not until she had built him a dream.

"What does he think about us?"

Jenny felt the sharp sting of what she knew was guilt. She hadn't told Tom.

"There is no 'us', Julian," she replied coolly. He gave breathy laugh that felt like fingers brushing her skin.

"Oh Jenny. There has always been an 'us'."

Attack was the best form of defence with Julian.

"If this is all we're ever going to talk about then I'm leaving."

She made to get up, brushing the sand from her jeans. She saw his hand flash out to stop her but it froze mid-air before dropping to his side. She made the rules here. He wasn't allowed to touch her. Her lips still remembered those last few kisses they'd shared. Warm and sweet and breaking. If he touched her she knew that would be the beginning of the end.

"Please, stay Jenny," he said instead, quietly. This Julian was different from the all the different versions in the Games. He was more like the final one; the one she'd seen in the cavern with the fire and the fur. The one she knew was the real one. The one she wanted to save.

She sat back down, wondering as she did, whether he was this way because he wasn't in control here, or because he had changed, or because he was manipulating her.

She liked to think it was because he had changed but maybe she was being naïve. She looked across and the object of her thoughts was holding out a flower to her.

"Something for you to add to the garden."

Surprised, she took the stem from him. It was utterly beautiful, as with all things Julian had given her.

"What is it?" she asked in awe, touching it reverently.

"A Passion Flower. This one is native to India."

Jenny smiled. "I've never seen one before…" she trailed off with a feeling like ice in her stomach. Her eyes flew to his and his secret smile.

"How is it here? Are you able to change the dream?" she whispered.

Eyelashes, black as soot, fluttered down over the luminous colour.

"That would be telling."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Jenny rested her head in her hands and gazed at Tom across the beautifully laid table. He was talking animatedly about something, occasionally flicking his gaze at her to check she was listening. The restaurant was lovely. A very nice pick for their final week celebration meal. They had graduated. They had made it. Seeing them all together at graduation, especially Tom, Zach and Summer, had made Jenny burst into tears. They had been so close to never making it and they all had. Even her friends, their memories of that time so faded, their desire of Jenny not to speak about it, even they felt that pull. That achievement. They allowed themselves to remember, allowed the breath in their lungs to feel sweeter. She had decided not to tell any of them that she had resurrected the one that that put them through hell.

Now she was having a romantic meal with Tom and it was perfect…except she was so _tired_. The week had been a mess of leaving parties and all-nighters. She had been snatching a few hours sleep here and there, unable to visit Julian in her tiredness. He would be getting impatient…she shook the thought off. She was here with Tom. Tom with his smooth, comforting voice…the lights were dim to make the candle light more aesthetic. Her eyes were drawn to the flame, flickering and dancing, her mind drifting, eyelids feeling heavy…

Her eyes were shut! Jenny snapped them open at the table, feeling mortified. All traces of tiredness strangely gone. She glanced across at Tom…but of course it wasn't Tom. Julian smiled at her wolfishly.

"You can't do that," she said irritably. "I was having dinner with Tom."

Julian pretended to be offended, " _I_ did nothing Jenny. You're the one who fell asleep." He smirked at her again. Her falling asleep on a date with Tom clearly amused him.

"What about all this?" she gestured at the identical scene around her from the one she had just left – except there were no people at adjoining tables.

"You brought that with you," he replied smoothly, but she could hear the bite of bitterness, "I just," he flourished his hands, "played along."

She watched him warily, still trying to determine whether he could manipulate her dream world or not. He wasn't giving her any hints. The fire light glinted off his hair and made his eyes dance. She was back in the cave again, where everything had changed, and felt that flutter in her chest that scared her.

"I should go back to Tom," she found herself saying, the autopilot defensive, even though she didn't want to go anywhere.

"Stay Jenny," his voice wrapped around her, reaching inside her, "I haven't seen you for a long time." She had been neglectful she knew but he wasn't accusing, he was starved of company. "Tell me what you've been doing." It was always her with Julian. He wanted to hear her voice, was interested in her whos, whats, wheres and whens. Interested in _her_. In return he told her stories of far off places she'd never seen. The history and the myth. The truth and the lies. She was herself with him. She could be nothing else in a dream, and it was refreshing. She had missed their talks this week.

"Graduation." She said finally. "Lots of goodbyes." She laughed breathily. "I'm so relieved…" she caught herself say it, realised she'd been thinking it all afternoon. She could tell only Julian. "I want to be myself somewhere else, start fresh. Keep my old friends, of course." They had been through so much together.

He echoed, "of course." She thought she heard a trace of mockery and began to protest but he cut her off. "You can't tell them because they don't understand. They would be hurt." She shut her mouth and nodded. He tilted his head. "I understand the desire for new beginnings Jenny."

She scrutinised him from the other side of the table. Did he want a fresh start? A new beginning? He was here with her in a dream world of light – where darkness was merely a romantic aesthetic. Did that really mean he wanted to change or was he just playing with her again? Their eyes met across the table and something seared across the space between them. She felt her heart beat faster.

"Jenny…" he reached across the table, as though to touch her face…

"Jenny!"

Her eyes snapped open onto Tom's clearly angry ones. She felt groggy and disoriented.

"What happened?" she mumbled, rubbing a hand over her face and heard Tom sit back with a huff.

"You fell asleep."

She felt mortified. "Oh, Tom, I'm so sorry! It has been all these parties…"

He sighed and ran a hand back through his hair.

"It's fine Jenny…"

"No, it's not," she interrupted him, "I will make it up to you." She felt the fuzz of sleepiness on the edge of her mind, "once I've had a good night's sleep of course." She tried to tease, lighten the mood and he caved, starting to smile at her, making this one of those stories they'd share later; 'the time Jenny fell asleep on the romantic date.'

Despite it she felt a sharp edge of something inside her. Irritation that he'd woken her? That he hadn't thought she'd be tired? That he'd interrupted Julian? The last made her stomach swoop in fear and guilt eat at her. She couldn't let them be in competition again. She wouldn't. Yet in her mind she heard a bitter whispered voice that was definitely her but sounded too much like Julian.

"Stupid boy. Ruins everything."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Julian was dream walking. Ever since Jenny had created a dream for him and called him into existence in this world – of dreams rather than shadows – he could come and go between dreams as he pleased…well…sort of… He needed the person dreaming to create a bridge to Jenny's dream, the world Julian inhabited, and call him across.

It obviously didn't happen with any great frequency. Occasionally one of Jenny's friends would dream about what he had done to them all those years ago and over he would visit, often out of boredom. It was a risky game to play. He wouldn't be able to go back to Jenny unless she called him. He was relying heavily on that.

It hadn't happened for a while. They had let their memories fade like photographs left too long in the sun and the exciting experiences of college or employment were keeping their minds thinking forward rather than back.

Jenny hadn't forgotten though. Jenny still came. He was glad. She would come bursting into the dream with sunlight and honey, eyes alight, bringing with her new places and new people. She would tell him all about them as she spun new things in this world she'd made. He would watch her and listen and absorb her goodness like the sun after a long, dark winter. He loved her so much his chest ached with the weight. College suited her. She had cast off any clinging shadows of who people thought she was and now she was new. Tougher, kinder, stronger, gentler, more loveable, more beautiful, more everything. His Jenny. Except she wasn't. He fought with the feeling. She didn't like his attitude to Tom being there with them in the dream. She said it made the air too thick, like smoke, so he tried to let it blow away.

Tommy Boy. Off at a different college. Julian wondered what he was doing, whether he was keeping himself trustworthy. He could just about swallow Jenny being with the Boy, so long as he kept her first in his heart. Jenny didn't deserve anything less.

Jenny wouldn't talk about Tom except to say they spoke every night; Julian had decided it was time to pay Tom a visit himself. It wasn't easy waiting for that opening though, knowing it might never come.

Julian was surprised when it did come. He felt the bridge form, heard his name called in that disgusted sneer that Tom had used about him, and over he walked, wondering what had triggered the call. He didn't know that in a new college with new people Tom had remained un-reminded until one fellow student introduced himself as Julian and he had felt it all come flooding back. He had fallen asleep that night with Julian on his mind.

Julian took a final step and knew he was in Tom's dream. The bedroom was strange and he realised it must be Tom's college room. Tom was on the bed with a girl. It didn't take long for Julian to realise he was watching one of those _intimate_ dreams. He felt an acidic drop in his stomach that abruptly cleared when he noticed the girl's hair. He leaned back casually against the wall and watched for a moment; long enough for Tom to get irretrievably far with the girl and then Julian spoke.

"That isn't Jenny." A statement. Cold. Humourless. Deadly.

Tom froze. Slowly he lifted his head and fixed his eyes on Julian. The hatred and fear there told the ex-shadowman all he needed to know.

Abruptly the girl's image vanished.

"You." Tom said angrily. "Not so dead then."

"You." Julian responded with contempt. "Not so faithful."

Tom ignored him.

"How are you here?"

Julian ignored him back.

"The girl. Was that something that you want to happen or a replay of something that has already happened?"

He thought Tom was going to ignore him again, that maybe this back and forth would go on all night but clearly this last remark was requiring a defence.

"That didn't happen." Tom was staring his rival down.

Julian found himself faintly amused by Tom's attempt at stoic.

"Who was the girl then?"

"Someone on my course. A friend."

"Ah," Julian tilted his head knowingly and saw the anger flash through Tom.

"It is none of your business anyway. You're dead. Coming here to make me feel guilty. It was just a kiss." Julian realised a few things then with startling clarity. What he had just seen was no 'just-a-kiss', so something _had_ happened with the girl back in reality, and secondly Tom didn't believe Julian was really there; just a figment of his guilty imagination.

Julian felt his own anger flare. The dream room becoming shadowy and menacing and suddenly Tom looked less sure of himself.

"I did not take her place with _them_ so that _you_ could treat her this way." There was a deepness to his voice, like ice in the dark. "Believe I'm real _Tommy_ and I am here. She dreamed me a new dream, just like she said she would."

Guilt and fear flashed across Tom's face. Fear of being found out, that Julian would 'tell on him'. The shame of a little boy. In the next instant it was replaced with an anger of his own.

"Of course she did. You come here to make me feel guilty but she is probably doing worse with you every night."

Julian narrowed his eyes at Tom. "I am not allowed to touch her. The dream is hers. That is her rule."

Tom didn't back down though. "Then she is probably kissing other people. That's what you do at college."

Again Julian found himself wondering what Jenny saw in her boyfriend. "You stupid human. You little boy. Still so ignorant. Every night she comes to talk to me. I would know. She is faithful to you."

"Maybe it is you she is being faithful to," Tom spat.

Julian froze. He felt his stomach swoop and settle. Tom's eyes slowly widened as he realised what he had said, fearful of what the Shadowman might do if he thought Jenny interested.

"No…I didn't…"

It was too late though. The flicker of hope in Julian's chest had been fanned. He tried to dampen it. "We both know how unlikely that it," he whispered, pain in his voice. "For reasons I do not understand, she would rather be with _you_." His indescribably blue eyes flashed with anger. "So you better start making yourself worthy of her or step aside so someone else can." His voice dropped again dangerously. "She deserves better."

Julian turned to go, his warning hovering in the air, thick and menacing.

"Are you going to tell her?" The voice stopped him, small and afraid, not the kind of fear he had once fed on. This was guilt laced and worried.

The anger lanced though him and he clenched his fists involuntarily, slowly inhaled and exhaled ice crystals. They frosted on his lips and he brushed them away.

"No." He stated, voice controlled. "You are not a topic of conversation I am allowed to speak on, so you are safe from me, _Tommy._ " He snarled her pet name for the boy with contempt. She had reduced him to this dream figure, unable to take what he wanted, to threaten and destroy as he pleased. He felt the resentment well up, as it always did when he was away from her light for too long, when the darkness tried to seduce him back.

He felt a tug in his chest, like a thread of light and it chased away the tendrils of darkness there. Jenny was calling him back. He was grateful to go.

"I may not be able to tell her," he said finally to Tom, the boy standing still uncertain whether to be angry, guilty, chastened or defensive, "but you should."

Julian felt the tug of the golden thread, her voice humming along it like honey as she called him, and he stepped out of Tom's dream onto the bridge back to her.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

When she fell asleep that night the tears were still dried to the skin of her cheeks, feeling stiff. She hadn't wanted to rub them off in case she forgot. It wasn't late yet but there was only one person left she needed to tell. Until they had all been told she knew it wouldn't be final, and she really needed it to be final. So she went to bed.

* * *

Julian knew what had happened as soon as she arrived in the dream. No sunlight burst through the clouds on her arrival. He had turned and there she was, silent and sad. She had promised him she would never bring unpleasantness into his home and he could see the effort she was making to keep her word.

"Jenny?"

Her eyes found his and she knew that he knew.

"What do you need Jenny?" he whispered to her and she shook her head, eyes shut. "Jenny," he was quiet commanding and she opened her eyes. "Sometimes there is beauty in the storm. Sometimes it is right to feel the pain and release it."

She held his gaze a second longer and then nodded. "Yes."

"What do you need?" he asked again.

"The sea," she replied, "and rain."

They were standing on the beach. The sea a hushed noise, black clouds boiling in the distance. Rain fell light as a mist. He was an arm's length from her, waiting for her to begin.

"Tom broke up with me."

The words shattered the air and although Julian knew they were coming they still left him breathless, dizzy with irrational relief, like she would ever look at him the way she had at Tom, like he had anything to offer her, not even a physical existence.

Her pain soured the moment. She was supposed to realise she didn't need Tom, not the other way around. Julian said nothing to her. The wind had picked up, whipping up the waves.

"He cheated on me." The words fell like drops of poison, black and oily. She saw the effect it had, saying those words, and she contained them, stopped the anger reaching out for Julian.

The rain thickened. He hadn't realised until the drops crystallised on his eyelashes, matting them.

"He slept with some…girl." Julian felt his insides constrict with anger. Clearly Tommy hadn't listened to his warning. "Some girl on his course. It was an accident, he said, they were drunk, but you…you just _don't!_ Do you?"

She turned to look at Julian properly, seeking reassurance at her own reaction and he tilted his head, flashing indescribably blue eyes.

"No." A shard of ice falling.

She was crying now. He could hear it in her voice, although the rain on her face obscured tears. The sea was dark and furious.

"He said he felt guilty. That he had let me down and couldn't forgive himself. That I deserved better than him. That – '' Her word was drowned out by a crash of thunder.

Julian could feel the storm in his blood. The wind was invigorating to breathe. Every nerve tingled in awareness of the violence and beauty of nature…he had missed this. It wasn't darkness, not so much anyway, but power. Power called to power. Underneath though, he felt the first twinge of concern. This was him. This was not Jenny. Jenny was the cat in the sun, bathing. She was light. Purified by fire. Glowing. The rain was so heavy now he could barely see her. He took a step forward and a wind forced him backwards, almost off balance. He glared at the sky. Enough was enough.

* * *

Jenny felt the rain lash at her skin, the sky scream in her anguish, beautifully reflecting her own insides. The betrayal was raw. Her own confusion making her dizzy, because shouldn't it have been her decision to break up with him? Why did it matter? She had been having doubts about them recently anyway, the nightly phone call had become more of a chore, but she should have been allowed the chance for that conversation. Instead she had been torn open, trust broken, shattering her and ripping up her insides.

She could stay here, with the wind and the rain, the noise and the pain, making her feel and making her numb. There was no one she could turn to. She had received sympathetic noises from her friends on the phone, too busy to come and comfort her. A text message to Dee who hadn't picked up. Uncertain cooing from Summer. Audrey and Michael, who believed love was forever if it was real, were unable to really understand and gave her pep talks on 'working things out'. Zach…Zach and his _anger_. Blaming her. Saying it was her fault for her obsession with Julian. Zach who had changed after the final game, had become one of Tom's closest friends, and she had realised as he yelled at her, maybe a little in love with him. Zach, the boy who wasn't interested in girls, maybe not because of his preference for lens. He wasn't her closest friend but he was family and she had hoped… She had had to hang up in the end to stop the anger, so here she stood alone, with the wind roaring, waves crashing, thunder and lightning and rain drops so large they hurt. Her hair was plastered to her face and neck. Simply alone…and then not.

Strong arms took her shoulder and forced her to turn, and her eyes, hurt and confused, met ones so blue they still took her breath away. So full of compassion. Slowly he let go of her shoulder and instead took her hands, closing the gap between them until his forehead touched hers and the warmth sent a bolt through her. Her eyes fluttered shut.

"Enough Jenny," he whispered, but the wind was already no longer howling, the rain had eased. The warmth of his skin on hers seeping through her cold, dead mind and breathing life back into it.

"Feel better?" he murmured and she sighed a little, opening her eyes with a minute nod. She gasped to see the rain had turned to snow; big, fat flakes, floating and feathery. Beautiful. She stared about her in wonder and then in confusion.

"I didn't do that." Her eyes dropped to her hands, clasped lightly, reassuringly, in Julian's. "You're touching me."

"Yes." He didn't offer an explanation, nor did he let go.

"You can control the dream." It was a statement not a question.

"Yes."

She stared at their hands. "So why didn't you…?" She left the question hanging. Why hadn't he made a move on her like he had in the past?

"You asked me not to," he replied so softly she barely heard. Slowly his words sank in, connections and implications forming and breaking, overwhelming her with how much he'd changed and how he was the only one here for her. Tears trickled down her cheeks and as she began to sob, his arms wrapped around her completely solid and comforting, anchoring her to him rather than the storm. Her face pressed to his chest as she cried and the snow swirled around them.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Jenny barely breathed as she stepped through the door between the worlds. She wasn't quite sure how she was doing this but she had decided that thinking too hard about it would be bad. Partly because this was one of the stupidest things she'd done but partly because not thinking about it was how this worked.

She had stepped into the shadow world. Her form was made of shadows, the fabric of a dream, and the doorway she had walked through was one she had created in Julian's dream world.

* * *

"Because isn't a dream just a shadow of the waking world?" she had whispered to him as they sat under an inky black sky, watching the stars, all pulled from a mix of their imaginings and experiences. Julian had stared back at her, his usually bright eyes shaded.

"You need to stop this Jenny."

She had been shaken at the conviction, the coldness, in his voice and felt the edges of anger.

"Stop trying to find a way to save you?"

He had looked away. "Yes." His eyes had grazed the sky. "This is enough."

"Is it?" she had snapped. A star overhead exploded. She glared at it.

"For me, not for you." He was looking at the exploded star with resignation. "I belong here Jenny. This is far more than I deserve. You belong out there, in the real sunlight, not in here with me."

She was reminded of the moment when he had told Tom to take her and go.

' _You cannot save me from myself.'_

Her mind focused. ' _You wanna bet?'_

"Julian." She closed her hand over his and he snapped his gaze down to them in the instant, shock evident. It was the first time she had touched him voluntarily in the months he'd been there.

"Jenny…" There was a warning note as he raised his eyes to hers but she was already leaning into him, her lips brushing against his softly.

"Julian," she responded, voice gently, before she shut her eyes and kissed him. She felt him try to resist and fail. She let the rightness wash over her, the intense longing she'd been aware of for a long time but unwilling to acknowledge.

"No!" He pulled away so quickly she was left off balance as he got to his feet and put distance between them. "You will not throw your life away like this."

"Is that what I'm doing?" she murmured, still sat on the floor.

Julian was barely visible in the night. His hair was the only thing she could make out in the dark.

"You cannot live your life here with me, Jenny, cannot throw it all away for a stray you felt sorry for."

She wished she could see his face.

"You are not just some stray. I love you." There. She had said it, and the rightness only increased.

"You cannot love me Jenny. There is nothing here to love. I am a mere breath of existence, a dream figure." He was angry and sad and resigned. It didn't change anything.

"The only really important question, Julian, is if you still love me." It had been a long time ago he had last told her and her heart ached at the thought that she'd realised too late what she felt for him. Beyond the immediate attraction. Beyond the impossibility. Their conversations, his value on her thoughts, her views, the beauty they shared in this dream that they had built together. Most importantly though, watching the darkness burn away from him and the hollow fill with light.

"Do you still love me?"

The silence was a weight on her chest. It lasted too long. She was about to repeat it a third time when finally, he sighed.

"Of course I do, Jenny. I always will." It felt so good to hear him say it back and she found herself smiling.

Julian shook his head.

"No," he said firmly. Her smile died. She felt the grim irony of the role reversal, the sharp edges of determination, and realised that this must have been how he had felt.

"You deserve some happiness Julian, after the darkness."

The sky had lightened so the stars vanished and she could see his face. She had probably done that.

"I deserve to burn alone in empty blackness for the things I have done, Jenny. This here is far better than I deserve. _You_ deserve a normal life, with a job you enjoy and a husband and kids if you want them. A life of light and goodness."

She stared him down. "Normal?" The words whispered from her lips incredulously. "Julian, how many 'normal' nineteen-year olds can build a dream and visit it every night? I am not normal. What we went through changed me. _You_ changed me."

He looked at her resignedly as the sky moved to the same colour as his eyes.

"All the more reason to stop this now. My mind is made up."

Jenny shook her head and got to her feet.

"Mine is too."

Julian should have known better really. He had seen first-hand what she was capable of when she was trying to save someone she loved. She had already done the research in her grandfather's books and had the plan. It just looked like she'd be doing it on her own.

* * *

She had drifted through the world of shadows, herself a dream figure. The world was ice and desolation, ruins of things, but she couldn't feel the cold. When she saw the first Shadowman she felt the fear grip her and realised her error almost instantly. The distortion stopped and seemed to sniff the air, turning hungry, searching eyes in her direction. Not a half-second later she forced herself to remember that it could not see her unless she made it so, and she let the fear run out of her like water dripping from her fingers. She stared the Shadowman down, as his eyes swept over her, searching for what it had smelt and lost. Disgruntled, it moved on. She knew that in reality her sleeping self would be drenched in sweat. This was an exercise of mental self-discipline. The book she had found in her Grandfather's things had detailed how those seeking enlightenment had walked in the shadows, the way she was now. It taught them freedom from fear, or they died. Those were her choices. She walked on.

She conjured the image in her mind of the Runestave and let her feet carry her to it. There were no features in this land, only shadows and looming shapes, yet she walked as if she knew the way. The pedestal appeared seemingly from nowhere, the object on top. It wasn't quite how she remembered it. The wood seemed black and glossy, like oil, and she wondered if it would stain her skin, even in the un-dreaming world. Jenny paused a moment and ordered her thoughts. This was the hard part. This was where no book she had read had gone and only half-formed theories took over. She needed the stave, the door and a sacrifice.

Slowly she reached out and plucked the Runestave from its stand. There was no immediate roar of discovery. She walked away calmly, letting her feet take her back to the door she didn't know the way to.

"There is an uninvited guest!" The voice chilled her blood as it snarled from somewhere behind and yet everywhere at once. "Famished!" It was like a whisper in her ear. She froze, hair prickling her skin. She knew that she was visible, her fear had made it so, and off to her left she saw the same Shadowman from earlier emerge from the darkness.

"I thought I smelt a tasty morsel." It licked its non-existent lips. "We remember you…"

 _Run! Now!_

She moved, swift and striking. The Shadowman was stunned for a second before giving pursuit with a snarl. It was enough. She could see the door.

A tendril of darkness gripped her ankle, and she fell, yelling Uruz, against the door. It opened under her weight as she tumbled through, the Runestave flying into her dream as she fell, half in, half out. A pull wrenched her back and she conjured a post to grab hold of. It they pulled her back she was worse than dead…

"Jenny?"

Julian was suddenly there, by the Runestave, his eyes fixated in wide horror at the door. He leapt to her, hands closing over her wrist and pulled. She gave a shuddering gasp as she passed over the threshold, but it wasn't over yet. The heaving shadows followed her, oozing and leering. Cold frosting out from a dead gaping mouth as the Shadowman laughed.

"Well, if it isn't you?" he directed at Julian, who stood frozen, his grip on Jenny like a vice. He tried to move her behind him but she remained immoveable, facing down the demon who thrust the remainder of his bulk through the door.

"Jenny, you need to get out of here," Julian told her, voice afraid. "Wake up and he can't hurt you. Leave me here." As if she would.

"What a tasty treat," chuckled the evil. "Two for the price of one."

The door slammed shut behind the Shadowman with an eerie finality and Jenny smiled so sharp it cut the smirk off his face.

"You're in my world now," she told him and suddenly giant interlocking runes of containment sprang from the ground, enclosing the monster.

"Jenny…" Julian was still stood behind her. She could hear his confusion.

"I need the stave," she scooped the item off the floor, "the door," she nodded at the closed item, "and a sacrifice." The Shadowman howled and snarled and threw itself against the prison. "For a life to be created, one has to be exchanged."

Julian had realised what she was doing but it was taking him a little while to comprehend it.

"I need the knife."

She was looking at him expectantly and he saw how to stop her headlong rush into insanity.

"No." Only he could conjure the image of the knife she needed because only he knew what it looked like properly. The refusal startled her. He saw the crash in her eyes of her determination hitting a brick wall, the bewilderment of a moment as she was unsure what to do next. In the next instant her gaze cleared and it was as though she saw him properly again, remembered that he was involved in her plan, was the point of it.

"I can't believe you did this," he told her, trying to sound angry, but instead admiration slipped through and in response she smiled at him so radiantly it hurt. He would have kissed her then…

"Julian, I love you." The words were so sweet to hear he almost shut his eyes and she placed a hand on his chest. "I will do whatever it takes to be with you."

Whatever it takes…hadn't he said that, long ago? This plan she was in the process of executing was unknown, unheard of, and here she was doing it anyway.

"I need the knife Julian. No matter what, he needs to die." There was a thread of panic in her voice and he realised that darkness was oozing along the floor towards him from the captive Shadowman. The old wraith leered at him, and in the next instant Julian snatched the dagger from mid-air and carved it through the Shadowman's name. The howl of death was a scream that went straight through them both, flinching back, and then abruptly silent and the evil was gone. The slash the knife made glowed a dull red. Jenny was holding out her hand.

"I need the Runestave and I need the Knife. You can't carve your own name."

Julian held the items beyond her reach.

"If you re-carve my name I will come back as a Shadowman. I will pursue you and I will destroy you. I cannot let that happen."

Jenny smiled then, "I won't let that happen either. I love you Julian, I love your light. I won't take you back into darkness." She pointed. "That isn't the real Runestave. It is a dream image, a reflection, but I had to bring it from the shadows for it to work. Carve your name in the Shadow World and you become a Shadowman. Carve it in the real world and you become almost human…" He looked at her with eyes sharpened to ice blue but she shook her head sadly. "Someone would have to remove it from that world from a door in reality. It is not possible. I looked."

Julian stared at the stave. "And in this world?"

"A Sandman."

He tilted his head questioningly.

"They bring dreams instead of nightmares."

Julian was lost in thought, eyes deep and fathomless as glacial pools. Jenny reached out a hand and touched his cheek. His gaze flashed to her, coming back from where it had gone.

"You could fight them this way. Destroy the nightmares with your dreams."

"Make up for some of the things I've done." She didn't say anything to that, didn't need to. "What about us?"

She stepped closer to him, her heart thudding, stomach and throat tight. "I don't know. Not for sure. The books I read were vague. You might have corporeal form. You might be as you are now but with more freedom, not reliant on me."

 _Freedom._ At the end of the day it all came down to that, to her rescuing him. She was the reason he had died. She owed it to him to bring him back, and now to free him. They were close enough to kiss but she didn't want to sway him.

"All right, Jenny." Julian held out the dagger and the stave in the small space between them. She felt a swoop of elation. "On one condition." Her insides froze. "If this does not work the way you want, if I cannot be with you, you move on with your life. You do not come and find me. You leave it alone. No matter what, you will have saved me. If this does not give me physical form, you live life without me. You let this be enough."

Panic gripped at her chest, threatened to suffocate her. To never see him again? His face was set. He would not change his mind. Slowly she nodded.

"Yes, I agree."

He handed her the stave and the knife and she painstakingly carved his name. Nothing happened, but she wasn't done yet, and despite all the running and the danger, this was the most difficult bit. She had to dream blood, her blood, without waking up her physical self.

"Jenny…"

She couldn't look at him. She had to concentrate. The knife slipped over her finger and she imagined the sting of pain, what a cut looked like, the blood. She felt reality tug her back to wakefulness and resisted. Slowly she drew her finger across his name, watching the blood stain the wood, before finally looking at him. Julian was watching her, admiringly, lovingly but sadly and then she remembered that this might be the end.

"Julian!"

He tilted hi head at her and smiled, eyes bright, hair shining.

She felt her heart so full it was suffocating and reached out a hand to take his as the last of the blood soaked into the wood.

He vanished before she could touch him.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N This is the final chapter. Thank you for all of those of you have been reading. I hope you have enjoyed it and I hope this gives Julian the ending he deserves.**

* * *

Chapter 7

Six weeks of sleepless nights. Six weeks of trying to do what she had promised and move on. It had been strangely hard to break the habit of visiting the dream world, waking herself up every time she went there, because it was always empty. Six weeks of that longing sitting in her chest, like a sharp ache, that she just learned to live with, fearing that if she moved on he might come back. Then it was summer break and she was back staying with her parents and being invited to Audrey and Michael's engagement party.

* * *

The party was not fun. She decided to wear a knee-length summer dress of white, loving how floaty it felt around her, which turned out to be a bad idea. As she walked through the door people stared…lots of people. Dee pushed her way through the gaping mouths and threw her arms around Jenny in a hug before running her eyes over her outfit.

"Sunshine, you look great." Jenny raised her eyebrows at Dee and the other girl shrugged. "Very Other Worldly. It suits you," but Jenny saw the flash of a look in Dee's eyes. The not-quite-sure look. Cautionary. "Ignore these idiots." She hooked her arm in Jenny's and pulled her off to find Audrey.

It continued though.

"Jenny!" Audrey pulled her into a hug after taking a second to regain her composure. "You look positively…"

"Ethereal." Michael finished, staring. Audrey glared and pinched him.

"Ow!" he pouted. "I was just saying. She looks different."

Jenny flinched. "Thanks?" She was beginning to wonder just how much Julian had been wrong when he talked about a 'normal' life and how right at the same time. Had he realised how she was changing the longer she spent with him? Her college friends didn't seem to notice though. Maybe it was because these guys hadn't seen her for so long that they only saw the change.

It got worse.

Audrey shook her head. "Ignore him. Look. Bad news is we had to invite Tom. Really bad news is he brought someone else with him." Jenny felt her heart sinking further. How soon could she politely leave? "Good news is we have a friend here to introduce you to."

Jenny felt herself pale. She caught Dee's eyes, trying to transmit 'help!'. She didn't want to be set up.

Dee merely grinned at her. "Knock 'em dead Sunshine," and disappeared into the crowd.

The next hour or so was socially painful as Jenny tried to convince Audrey otherwise but the girl wouldn't take no for an answer. She had made up her mind that Jenny was pining for Tom and only details about Julian would have been able to convince her that it was a different boy that was the problem. Details Jenny couldn't give for obvious reasons.

Their friend was a lovely guy, which meant that Jenny felt she owed him to say that, truthfully, she wasn't interested. He looked crestfallen. She walked away, feeling horrible, not in the least because she had promised Julian that she would try and move on.

Her eye caught Zach's across the room and she raised a hand in greeting, as he turned his back on her and walked away. Jenny felt her insides tighten. This was ridiculous. She didn't need to put up with this. She wished her college friends lived closer so she could go and see them and settled for calling a couple of them the next day to organise a meet up. For now, though, she was going home.

At the door she bumped straight into Tom and his new girlfriend.

"Hi Tom," she managed to say calmly. Tom was staring at her like everyone else that evening, but with a little more intent. His girlfriend glared at him and then at Jenny before jabbing him.

"Hi," he managed, running a hand back through his hair. "How are you? You look…erm…good."

Of course, it was the first time he'd seen her since before the break up.

The girlfriend was clearly getting angry and Jenny could understand why. She knew the way Tom was looking at her because he had looked at her that way when they were together. She was beginning to get angry herself.

"I am thanks," she said, adding, "I'm heading home now," and with an acknowledging nod to her replacement, she escaped.

* * *

Jenny returned to her parent's house without incident except for the twist of her insides that had followed her from the party. She felt a shadow on her mind like her friends had draped a net of dark gauze over her thoughts. Jenny shook her head and started up the stairs to her bedroom, determining that she would message her college friends and have a swim to clear the heaviness that had settled over her.

The knock came at the front door just as she reached the top. Her eyes flicked to the clock and then the window. It was a little late for visitors even if it was still only just getting dark, unless one of her friends had followed her from the party…

"Please don't be Tom," she muttered out loud as she cautiously retraced her footsteps and opened the door.

It took a split second for it to register who was standing there.

"I don't think green is your colour," she said coolly, referring to his two-piece suit of different shades.

"It matches your eyes so beautifully though Jenny," Julian replied with his usual confidence.

She reached out a hand to touch him and hesitated.

"Are you really here?"

Julian nodded, tilting his head to her so the fading light flashed dull silver over his hair. "In the flesh. Literally."

He held out his own hand and gently took the one she had left hovering. The second she felt his warm skin brush her own she felt tears hot and ready to fall.

"What took you so long?" she whispered as her voice broke and with a tug of his hand she was in his arms. It was real. He was real. His arms solid around her, anchoring her, somehow soothing the fears inside that had plagued her since he had vanished.

"I was beginning to think I'd imagined it all," she murmured, as she stared into his intense blue eyes. Julian smiled and kissed her. The fire was there, and the heat that had made her forget herself many times all those years ago, but now there was light in it, and love, so that instead of forgetting she remembered. She drew back, her face lit up with a smile, and he gazed at her in wonder, running her hair through his fingers.

"I'm not going anywhere," she grinned, "no tricks this time."

He kissed her again, so sweet she felt her insides burn. "Wrong," he purred, "you're going in the house with me."

He nudged her in the right direction and with a laugh Jenny pulled him inside after her, kicking the door shut.

"Did your suit just change colour?" she stared at the now red shades.

"Ignore it," Julian sighed, "hazard of the job. It will turn blue in a minute." He moved to kiss her again, but she put a hand of his chest to stop him.

"I want to," she smiled at his hurt look, "but I have some questions."

Julian lifted her hand to his lips and kissed the palm, featherlight.

"Of course you do Jenny," he smiled against her skin. "Brave. Beautiful. Independent. Jenny. What would you like to know?" He drew her back into his arms and punctuated every sentence with little kisses that left her dizzy. "I am a Sandman, one of many. I'm sorry it took me so long to come to you. Morpheus doesn't like unexpected surprises turning up. That god is such a diva. Took him forever to decide he could use me after all."

Jenny made an encouraging noise, distracted by the kissing and Julian took the opportunity to kiss her more thoroughly.

"I think the real question you want to ask though," he continued, slightly breathlessly, "is that, yes, I am physically here, and yes, we can be together. If you still want to?" He said it lightly, but she could see the fear in his eyes.

"Julian," she placed her hands on his face in a caress, "I love you. Of course I want to."

His gaze focused heat on her and the next few minutes were lost in a haze of kissing and touching.

The knock on the door broke the spell. Somehow they had ended up on the sofa, Julian's now blue jacket tossed on the floor, top few buttons of his shirt, the colour of his eyes, undone, hair a dishevelled mess. Jenny grinned up at him.

"I like that look."

Julian smiled back slowly, like silk and velvet, voice like a wind ruffled sea. "Well, I had given you the option multiple times…"

She didn't bother to argue that it wouldn't have been like this. They both knew that now was the right time, the only time, for them. It could not have come sooner than now and still be as pure. She was about to kiss him again but the knock repeated.

"I need to answer that."

With a sigh they untangled themselves and Jenny padded to the door, trying to fix her hair as she went.

It was Tom.

"Jenny, I made a terrible mistake."

She couldn't do anything except stare at him, her mind completely blank, like a stalled engine. The irony hitting her like a punch to the stomach.

"I am so sorry Thorny. I made a mistake. Seeing you this evening made me realise what an idiot I had been to let you go. Please forgive me. Take me back."

It took her a moment longer before she finally found her voice. "I can forgive you Tom," his eyes lit up, "but I'm not taking you back. I don't love you. I'm with someone else now."

That stumped him.

"What? But Thorny…who?"

She sensed the moment Julian appeared behind her, but even if she hadn't, the look on Tom's face would have told her he was there.

"Tommy-boy. It's been a long time." His tone was free of all malice and gloating, and Jenny realised that this was the first time they had met where Julian could be confident of the one thing they had both wanted; Jenny's love. She glanced at him out the corner of her eye and saw that he hadn't fixed his dishevelled state, and was also sporting a roguish grin. He wasn't completely above gloating then…and had he undone a couple of extra buttons? She almost giggled but didn't.

Tom looked horrified.

"Him? He? Him?"

Jenny smiled then, so happy her heart was full. "Yes. Julian. Him. Here. With me." She was happy that she had Julian. Happy that she could show the impossible was possible, despite their negativity.

Tom was looking like he wanted to physically attack the ex-Shadowman but didn't quite dare.

"It was nice seeing you Tom," Jenny said firmly. "Good luck in the future. Bye."

She shut the door with finality.

Julian was smirking at her and she folded her arms.

"Feeling good about that are you?"

"I'm not going to lie Jenny. That felt pretty amazing." He cut her a look. "You enjoyed it too."

She couldn't keep the corners of her lips from twitching.

"So, what next?" she asked lightly.

Julian leaned back against the wall opposite her in his now-white suit.

"Now I get to show you just how wonderful you are, like I have always wanted to, for as long as you will let me."

Jenny moved into the circle of his arms.

"Then I will get to show you how good you are, like I have always wanted to, for as long as you will let me."

Julian flashed a wolfish grin.

"Deal."


End file.
